Deadpool Adventures
by The Dark Knight 55
Summary: Join Deadpool in his adventures and the search for an artifact . See how he changes the stupid future and saves the world one more time and faces criminals and other heroes
1. Prologue

I DO NOT –

" Yeah yeah shut up and just present me already !" said a wildly known and so damn annoying voice

" **FINE **.. if you prefer the boring way … " said The Dark Knight 55 while not feeling appreciated ( FUK this ! I am not gonna use 3rd person while talking about myself !)

" Idiot " replied the unknown voice

" Psycho "

" Bitch "

"Asshole! "

" Motherfucker!"

" SHIT BAG!"

" Fucking asshole!"

" **GAY bitch ! "**

" **YOU PIECE OF M$^%&* *$(%* #)$%*%)#*%*(#$*( ! " **

" Anyway….. back to the Prologue . I present you the … ahh oh yeah … I present you the most fucking awesome dude ever , the most beloved and ultimately marvelous character in Marvel Universe . Who wrote this shit ? Well yeah the merc with a mouth , Wade Wilson , the incredible **DEADPOOL **. So You wanna give us a private interview mister Deadpool ? " said I while was feeling … **Hey ! WAIT A SEC ! I** **don't have to tell you how I fucking feel . I AM NOT YO PUPET !**

" Hello ! Hello ! It is a pleasure to be here . Now this is a story so you can't see my beautiful face . I am the most awesome SuperHero / Villain / Badass cool guy ever existed . I am here on … Fanfiction ?! Who came up with this name ? Anyway I am here to entertain you with my incredible … OH for F*** sake . Listen up buddy . I just got my story and I will do whatever I want , whenever I want ! So sit on your chair, grab some popcorn and some body-armor cuz shit is just getting real ! Author !... end this prolo-poop and let's go see Chapter 1 . " said Deadpool trying to make himself look important

" Ahh … Well sorry for everything he said and sorry if he hurt anyone's feelings . First of all do **NOT** read this story if you are easily offended . Anyway , see ya next Fryday ! " said I , hoping that I won't have to suffer because of what this shit just said and trying to give this prologue a decent ending

**Deadpool's note : HAHA he typed fryday . Go back to school idiot ! See ya all dudes . Don't forget to press that fav story , follow story things or I am coming for you and I am gonna kill you all **** .**


	2. Chapter 1:Contract

I DO NOT –

" I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT PART IN MY STORY ! Give me some action!" said Deadpool , making me angry

" OH! You want action? Well you FUCKING GOT IT !..." said I , with an incredible rage , not able to control myself

Chapter 1 : Contracts

Deadpool was now staying in front of … 3 no no … 4 helicopters with rockets and machineguns . The **machineguns and rockets **were aiming for him .

"Deadpool , put your hands in the air and throw away all your weapons ! " said one of the guards

"Ok I will put my hands in the air after I throw all my weapons … including grenades … " said Deadpool while looking at the screen - "Woah Woah , screen ?! " said Deadpool again " –"YES , Screen , you got an invisible flying camera that shows me whatever you do … " said I , trying to repair the situation .

Deadpool threw the swords , the sais , the guns … He grabbed 4 grenades and threw them away right into the helicopters that exploded . He grabbed his weapons and ran away to the main office where his **contract **was .

(Flash back ) :

Deadpool was sleeping on his armchair , in his apartment … fucking dirty apartment … with a pizza slice on his face and a bottle of vodka in his hand . Suddenly he heard a sound coming from his computer . He went back on his feet scared like shit . He grabbed his swords and went in another room where the computer was . He looked around and …

" Well it seems no one is here . Let's check on twitter …" said Deadpool while dropping his swords to the ground

Deadpool had a message coming from … someone **(me) **.

The Dark Knight 55 : You got a new contract idiot . Enough "action" for you ? **(HEY reader , I did this ** **cuz it is on Twitter , got it ? )**

(somewhere on a fucking tall building 5:00 PM )

(Flash back ended )

Deadpool was now standing in front of 20 guards with rifles and …. grenade launchers … yeah oh and … rocket launchers ! What a great idea … ah … I mean … Anyway :

" Put your weapons down !" said one of the guards

" No thanks ." responded Deadpool

" We will shoot!" said the guard

" Whatever dude … You better surrender and go cry to mommy . NOW " said Deadpool trying to intimidate his enemies

" I said put your weapons down! WE WILL SHOOT YOU IF NEEDED ! "

"Wrong answer buddy …"

Deadpool picked up his gun and shot him in the face . The rest of the guards tried to shot him but he made back flip and threw a grenade that killed 7 more guards . Deadpool grabbed his swords and went to cutting . He jumped in the air and threw one in a guard's neck then grabbed the gun a shot another guard and landed a flying kick in another guard , knocking him out . He took the sword from the guard's neck and ran to another . He dodged all the bullets and hit him in the neck with the sword . The head flew away and hit a guard in the face . When he wiped the blood away he saw Deadpool putting a word in his gut and then the other one in the face . Deadpool jumped in the air and made a spin , cutting another guard in two pieces . He threw one of his swords in a guard's heart . He cut a guard's arm and grabbed it . He hit another guard with the arm **(the arm that was cut in the last sentence ) **and then cut his head . He grabbed the other sword that was in the guard's hearth . He grabbed the sais and jumped in front of the guard , hitting him in the eye with one of them . The last two guards were trying to run , but Deadpool threw a grenade at them .

Deadpool ran to the door made out of metal .

" Hmm … How should I open this shit ? " Deadpool thought to himself

" You need some C4s … " said I , giving him an advice

" Good idea ! Give me some . "

" Say the magic word… "

" Fuck you ? "

" NO dumbass . The other magic word…"

" AHHH! Please ? "

" There you go !"

Suddenly , a box full of C4s appeared besides Deadpool .

" Thanks " said Deadpool

" You welcome . Now back to the story !"

Deadpool placed 56 C4s on the door

" Take cover bitches!" yelled Deadpool with no reason

Deadpool ran away and detonated the bombs that conveniently only destroyed the door and not the hole fucking building . He ran in and now he was standing in front of …

- " Hey you ! Yeah you! Give me a big criminal from Marvel Universe . The kind of guy that got a big company and he is like only staying in his office and is eating cupcakes all day . You know a big crime boss or something . " The Dark Knight 55 yelled to his slaves

" What about Silver mane? " said one of them

"That works . Good thing I came up with that great idea ! Back to the story …" -

He ran in and now he was standing in front of Silver mane .

"Silver Mane ? What the hell ? This guy is a no one ! Give me someone more important !" Said Deadpool pretty ashamed of how the story was going like "

" Dude , when you signed that contract you agreed to do whatever I want! So fucking kill him in a EPIC mode or you are fired! There are many other characters that I can do stories about so … " said I , making Deadpool feel like a useless shit

" **FINE YOU B*TCH ! "**

" I am a man … "

" Prove it ! "

" What ! Eww NO ! "

" Yeah well … BACK TO MY STORY ! " yelled Deadpool while looking at the s—

"I grabbed my gun a—"

"Hey that is my job! "

Deadpool grabbed his gun and shot Silver Mane in the shoulder . He grabbed him by the neck , threw him on his own desk and put a C4 on him . He shot the window and threw him away . He blew him up while he was free falling .

" Fireworks " said Deadpool with an evil smile on his face

"Evil smile ? Really " said Deadpool trying to make me angry , I mean , angrier than I am

**Author's Note : Well that was pretty much the first chapter … I hope you enjoyed it . Btw I do not have slaves . Only racists got slaves , I am not racist . Anyway see ya next time . I hope you enjoy the story and that fact that I am the second most important character in this story **** happy face **, said our gay and incredibly high narrator …

"SCREW YOU DEADPOOL ! "

" Ooops , gotta go guys ! See ya all next time ! " said Deadpool while running from a bear with wolverine claws , a chainsaw , a flame thrower , a jetpack and a rocket launcher with mini-Nukes

"OH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ? IT WAS A MISTAKE ! I SWEAR ! " said Deadpool when a flame just burned his ass

" STOP DOING THIS ! " said Deadpool while being cut in two by the chainsaw

" Next time , keep your mouth closed " said your fav author in the world , while taking another sip form his glass of Sprite with no ice …


	3. Chapter 2 : Happy Birthday

"Hi guys! It's me , Deadpool . Ok ,we don't have much time . Today , it is an important day for my "friend". Today , he is celebrating his birthday , so I thought , if we give him a gift , he might do a chapter where I will be the author and do whatever I want . Soooooo… guess what I bought … , said I (Deadpool) , Nothing…. "

Bonus Chapter : Happy Birthday

"Ok , I have no idea what to buy , so …. I made a LIST WITH USEFUL IDEAS!"

1.)Hack into his computer ( already did) and see what he likes = more ideas

2.)Get him a incredibly violent videogame with lots of blood moments

3.)Use fireworks to write his name on the sky

4.) Have a giant party

I grabbed my list and looked at my brilliant ideas again .  
"I think 1.) might actually be very useful "

I closed Microsoft Office Word 2007 and accessed every other thing on his computer . I found some downloaded songs and from what I saw , he loves to watch youtube videos . That two things gave me an incredible idea , to make a MUSICAL VIDEO!

But then I realized there is no way I can make a musical video in 5 hours , so … I crossed 1.) from the list.

"1 down , 3 left "

I took my coat and my classic detective hat and left the apartment . I went to the nearest video game shop . I opened the door and got in . I saw some cool videogames , but then I realized that he had all of them so I crossed 2.) from the list .

I left the shop sad . I asked a civilian if he knows any place that got fireworks for sale but he just said "Get away from me weirdo ! " and ran away .

After one hour of searching I got bored of the third idea and crossed 3.) from the list . There was only one idea left , but this was the best one .

I went back home and threw my hat and coat on the ground . I grabbed my night club list , but then I realized he is not that kind of guy so I just used the giant party room invented by me with the help of the author magic . I my phone and started to call people .

"Hey Spidey! Hey I got a friend and I will organize a surprise party for him . Wanna come? " said I

"Yeah , ahhh …. Sure… I am gonna be there " said your friendly neighbor hood Spiderman

" Good , let me give you the address oh and one more thing , bring everyone that you ever met in your life , yeah I would really appreciate ! " said I before giving him the address

"Hey Cap! Come to my surprise party for a friend . Bring whoever you want ! Gonna send you an email with the address ! Thanks a lot ! " said I before closing the phone

And that is pretty much what I did in the next 2 hours …

"Here we are . Everyone is in here waiting for the special guest . 20 more minutes before he arrives . What could possibly go wrong ? " said I , not expecting that 5 words can make paradise turn in hell …

I looked back to see Spiderman yelling at Ms. Marvel about some shit . Right next to them I saw Wolverine pop up his claws , ready to jump at Hulk . Iron man blasted Hulk and Logan then I saw how Captain America's shield hit Tony in the face , causing him to fall on the floor . Iron man flied straight at Cap and punched him in the face then Hulk grabbed Tony by the leg and threw him on the table with snacks . The nachos landed right in Ms. Marvel's hair that got angry so she punched Spidey in the nose . Thor hit Hulk with his hammer then got blasted down by Cyclops . Black Widow kicked him in the face , just to get thrown away by Jean Grey with her telekininisess .

And the party that had to be a gift for my friend transformed into a super hero battle . I let a sigh out , picked my swords and jumped in the middle of the fight …

I got ripped in two by Colossus and Beast and fell to the ground . Right then , I saw the door opening and my dear Dark Knight 55 entering the room where I was having a "perfect party" with a "what the fucking hell " expression on his face . It was clear , I screwed up ….

"DEADPOOL! #)($%)#_(+()%}_$()%" yelled my friend

That got the attention of everyone. The fight suddenly stopped and everyone , including me got a "we are dead " expression on our faces .

"GET THE F*CK OUT ! " said The Dark Knight 55

Everyone ran out of the room as quick as possible . I managed to get my legs back just to see how my friend starts to use telekinisess on me and throw me in the walls .

"What have you done!? " said my friend

"Sorry … " said I

"You almost killed all the people that that I was working with! I lost half or more of my marvel characters! "

"It can't be that bad … right ? "

"Look behind you ! Ms. Marvel got a bullet in her head! Cyclops got ripped in two and Silver Sable lost one leg and both her eyes! "

" Ouch … look , I didn't plan this . I have no idea how this happened anyway . I just wanted to get you a gift , so you could make me the author for one of the chapters … "

"You psychopath ! You just wrote one! "

"Did I ? Yeah … Yeah I did!"

"NO ! "

"No? "

"NO! I am not going to post this shit! "

" Oh come on! Look at that reader . Look at his sad puppy eyes ! Please! "

"Ok , fine . I will post this , and I will make you the author for one of the chapters but…"

"Oh here comes the but… "

" … You will clean the mess after each chapter ."

"WHAT!?"

"Hey , you either do what I said or get fired . "

"Why did I organize this party anyway!?"

"Now , you better start clean up the mess , loser . "

**Author's Note : Deadpool started to clean the mess . It was a lot of fun watching him . Anyway , see ya next time!**


	4. Chapter 3 : The Chimichanga temple part1

I DO –

" I SWEAR ! IF YOU SAY THAT SHIT ONE MORE TIME , I AM GONNA BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD ! " said the angry voice of Deadpool

Chapter 2 : The Chimi Changa temple (part 1)

Deadpool was sitting on his armchair , watching TV . Just another normal day in the completely not normal life of Deadpool . He picked up the remote and closed the TV .

" I am so bo-ho-ored . There is nothing at the TV . I didn't cold-blood kill anyone the entire week ! I feel I am going insane ! LOSE MY MIND ! FORGET WHO I AM AND START TO KILL EVRYONE ON THE STREET ! Oh wait , I did that last year . Anyway , something bad is going to happen . Bad bad bad bad bad bad , said De- , bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad… bad bad bad bad BAD BAD , **BAD!**"said Deadpool

"Well , you could read a book " said I trying to calm him down by giving him a occupation so he could let me think about what are we going to do in this chapter

"Neah , to boring " said Deadpool without hesitating

"Order a Pizza "

"To lazy to grab my phone "

"Watch a movie "

"There is nothing good at the TV "

"Play some video games "

"I broke my Xbox "

"Play computer games "

"I broke the keyboard "

"Find a girlfriend "

"Not ready for a relationship "

"Read some comics "

"The box where I store them is in my room and my dog just fell asleep in there and if I wake him up I will need to see a medic even if I got a healing factor , trust me , you do not want to wake him up when he sleeps "

"Clean your suits "

"You forced me to clean all of them 3 days ago . Remember? "

"Oh yeah , I remember . Anyway , cook something for dinner "

"Why would I do that ? You can make dinner without even moving a finger . You are the author "

"Take a nap "

"I don't need rest . I am 100% ready for action ! "

"Play with the toys , ah , I mean action figures "

"Neah , I did a giant fight between my Classic Deadpool figure and my wolverine figure in the morning and now I am to bored to do one more . By the way , I WON ! "

"Stupid idiot! Why am I working with this guy ? , I thought for myself , He is acting like he is 4 years old !"

"Go buy a chimichanga to eat " said I , hoping that the conversation will end soon

"BRILLIANT IDEA ! That is exactly what I am going to do! " said Deadpool right before he opened the door and ran away

Deadpool was traveling through city with an incredible speed . He was searching for the nearest place where he could find a chimichanga . He felt like his stomach was going start eat itself if he won't find one soon . Right then , he saw a guy that was selling Chimichangas . He was on the other side of the street . Deadpool ran to the guy , jumping over some cars and punching in the face the people that were standing in front of him . He didn't pay attention to the car that ran over a human from his fault . Deadpool got to the man in time and bought the last chimichanga .

"YES! I GOT IT ! " said Deadpool while giving the guy that sold him the chimichanga a bullet in the head instead of money

Deadpool started to kiss his beloved meal when he heard someone yelling "FREZE!" . The voice was coming from behind . Deadpool turned to see a cop pointing a pistol at his face .

"I said FREZE ! " said the angry cop

"Look buddy , I don't want problems soooooo…. Better put that gun down " said Deadpool trying to get out of his little problem without using force

"I said FREZE! PUT YOU ARMS BEHIND YOU HEAD! THIS IS THE LAST WARNING ! "

" Well , it seems it is one man VS one army time again "

Deadpool grabbed his sword and cut down the cop's hand then kicked him in the chest , sending him at the ground .

Many other cop cars arrived on the street . The cops got out of the cars and pointed their guns at Deadpool , yelling the same things the other guy said . Deadpool shot the chief in the head then performed a back flip and landed in a dark alley . He hid after a wall and tried to form a plan of how he could escape the cops . Suddenly , he got a brilliant idea ; kill them all …

He threw a grenade at the cop cars that blew up , together with the men .

A SWAT team just arrived at the place together with many other cop cars . They all pointed their guns at Deadpool and shot . Deadpool could see how to bullets were coming his way to fast and to many to dodge . He closed his eyes and waited for the hit …

The bullets stopped in midair and all fell to the ground .

"Wait , WHAT !? " said Deadpool , not understanding why he wasn't laying on the ground , in pain

"What ? You don't like being saved ? " said I , making a dramatic entrance in the last moment

Deadpool saw that everyone and everything wasn't moving , it seemed that they were frozen .

"How did you know I was here ? " said Deadpool

" I am writing all your actions idiot . Right now , I am writing this conversation " said I

"Oh , yeah …. So , you came to rescue me ? "

"No…. I figured out what are we going to do in the next chapter . We are going on the Changa Mountain!"

"Changa what ? "

"The Changa Mountain , the ancient temple of the Chimichangas ! "

"Never heard about it … "

"Yes , you never heard about it cuz I invented it right now , idiot … and yes , that means I sometimes write the title at the end … "

" Why would I need a ancient Chimichanga if I already got one? "

"Well because , 1.) It is the most delicious Chimichanga in the universe ! It will give you the powers of a CHIMI-CHUNGA fighter . You will be the most powerful thing in this universe , after me of course . ITS TASTE , IS SO GOOD THAT NO ONE CAN RESIST IT ! And 2.) your chimichanga fell on the ground "

"What ! , said Deadpool and looked at his chimichanga that was laying on the ground , NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! " yelled Deadpool at the sky after kneeling before his chimichanga that was laying on the ground , in a bath of blood and delicious sauce

**Author's Note : Ok , well ,this adventure is probably what the next 2 or more chapters are about so , let's see if Deadpool will be able to reach the ancient Chimichanga and defeat whoever stays in his way . **


End file.
